messy room.

My room is so messy, but I’m happy.

I revel in the freedom of leaving a half cut cucumber

on a baking tray with crumbs from two days ago

I know that the pile of laundry in the corner will be there when I wake

when I wake from a good night’s sleep

 

I usually think everything has to be perfect, everything has to be in it’s place before I can start anything. I planned on studying tonight, but the usual me would’ve wanted “conducive studying conditions”: clear desk, precise temperature, comfy clothes, neat room. Is anything ever completely conducive though?

“Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.”

I am always always falling into this trap. Out of my three meals a day, if I fail to meet my standards of ‘health’ for just one, it sends me into a bout of guilt and shame and the like just because I didn’t hit my 100%. Truth? Our bodies are way more adaptive than my perfectionist mind would like to believe. Not having enough veggies in one meal doesn’t make me automatically unhealthy! But my mind likes to label me and tell me I didn’t do good enough.

My boyfriend and I broke up today, cause I felt like I wasn’t being the perfect girlfriend. Just because I cried a couple times, all of a sudden I felt like I was being a burden to him. Truth? He thinks I’m perfect for him even though he hates it when I cry. (we didn’t break up in a tragic way though–more like we decided that not having that bf/gf status would make our relationship better. Another story for another time I guess.)

I want to start this workout program again, but it takes 12 weeks and next week I’m going to be on a school trip. And the routine starts from a Monday. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I’m so done with waiting for the perfect situation, the perfect time to make sure I don’t mess up. Because I WILL mess up, and I’m okay with that. I reckon that half the time we fail so hard because we don’t prepare ourselves for failure. We’ve been taught to chase the ideal so closely, that when reality strikes it slaps us hard and leaves us on our knees, with no backup plan to give us a hand to get on our feet again.

“Failure isn’t falling, failure is not getting up again.”

I’ve been wanting to start blogging for a while now! But I’ve been holding it off cause I wanted my first post to be perfect, with my own illustrations and stuff (yes that’s the plan!!), with the tags all neatly compartmentalized and my theme all pretty pretty…

WELL GUESS WHAT! I’m a living breathing growing person, and I’m going to allow this blog to be a reflection of that. I will let it grow as I do, from what it is to what it can be.

and instead of an illustration, have a picture of me!

woooo didn’t expect to get this in one take! but to illustrate how seeking perfection would mean taking 1,001 selfies before choosing to post one, I promised myself I’d take just one! and here it is!! hehehe I like it  ❤

alright alright that’s all for now guys!

bye bye!

(yes I don’t have a sign off yet. do I need one? xoxo gossip girl? )